Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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