If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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