I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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