how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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