What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
