She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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