Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
