Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
