Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
