I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
