Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
