They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
