After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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