I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
