put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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