My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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