your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
