I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
