I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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