He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
