I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
