I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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