I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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