If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
