Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
