I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
