booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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