the day after is always just damage control
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
