Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
