You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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