you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
