I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
