They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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