My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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