oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
