i permit you to call me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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