the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
