well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
