My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
