Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
