Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
