remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
