How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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