It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
