Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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