We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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