Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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