i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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