Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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