She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you had me at cake vodka
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
