I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
