you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
