I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
