I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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