whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
