all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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