At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
